In the Beginning...

     In the beginning, there was a girl. This girl wondered down many paths through out her life; among these were trials in the emo subculture, the punk, industrialist, cyber goth, steampunk, neo-victorian, visual kei, and yes- even "normal". In her early years, she adorned herself in chains and badly-applied make up from Hot Topic. By her last year in middle school, she had discovered and fallen in love with that which is Gothic Lolita. Her love and her ignorance (caused by a lack of money and exposure, as well as the delicacy of her age) lasted for two years. After two years had ended, her love shifted from that which was Moi Dix Mois, Malice Mizer, and Dir en Grey (among all things visual kei) and morphed into what is known as the Goth subculture. 


    Something which she had claimed for years in ignorance, she now began to explore and embrace. Alien Sex Fiend, The Cure, Siouxsie and the Banshees, Specimen, Type O Negative, Sisters of Mercy, Peter Murphy and  Skeletal Family were just a few to name which she grew fond of. Within a year from then, in her senior year, she found a soft place to lay in her adoration for Deathrock, EBM/Industrial, and a darker almost neo-genre of classical music. Now, she never forgot her visual kei roots, and even to this day she is a complete opheliac when it comes to Alice Cooper. She knows also of classic rock and many genres of metal due to friends.


     Now, working along-side this story of her advancement in music tastes, was that of her hobbies. While she was a Gothic Lolita, she could hand-sew quite well (although sewing machines were thought to be demons from hell sent to torture her). She got into roleplay, and made a successful roleplay guild which lasted for years and years with many people who were highly involved with her. In the last year, this guild which had been a huge part of her life and her creativity, died. One of her favorite characters was one which she had made back when she herself was a Gothic Lolita, and so this character however had grown and changed with her, while keeping her dark lace-adorned roots. As was posted on her facebook,


"It just suddenly came back to me who I want to be... A person whom I had known long ago, and ideal, but which somewhere along the way faced a silent, unnoticed death. I glanced in the mirror today and saw her reflection, then turned quickly away before I caught my own."




     So it became clear. This ideal which had lived within her mind and her heart and came to life through words and prose on a simple screen was, in fact, a reflection of herself and who she wanted to be. 


Before long, it was almost time to graduate.


This girl, who had always had very long blonde curly hair, cut it off 6 inches (making it just below shoulder length). Now, it was far shorter than it had ever been.


"By the time my hair grows back out where it was, I want to have become the person who I long to be. By the time my hair reaches down past my waist, I want to look in the mirror and see a girl who has never existed anywhere else except my dreams." 






So graduation came and gone, and she put all her of money back into savings for college. She is selling her guitar and playstation 2, and is getting ready to find a job in this economy to support the furthering of her education, and the pursuit of dreams. 








Sacrifices must be made, and I am ready to make them. 


I can not deny who I am, so instead I will change myself into who I want to be.


I am not "gothic", nor can I ever be; I am a goth. 


"Elegance Above All" 




So now, with naught but a back-account, a state id, a loving fiancée who gives me support and rides, and a nasty pessimistic attitude with a list of everything I never want to be, the journey begins to become a Goth Lolita.